How To Cheer Yourself When Everything Seems Not Just Right

Photo by Ismael Sánchez on Pexels. Colour edited by the author.

I had just finished reading yet another proposal written by me towards an application for an opportunity out of the numerous I have already submitted. As you can tell, I have already received a share of the rejection notifications; I am still waiting for the outcome of the outstanding ones, but I am still carefully doing my best to submit another application! 

Each time, I am filled with a deeper criticality of what I could improve on—this often throws me into the terror of the unknown for my fate, yet I can feel my confidence level heightened with each new opportunity. 

This is partly because I am always optimistic that this could be that '100th yes out of the 99th nays'. Also, because each time I am rejected, I take it that there could be something I am not just doing right, so I go above and beyond to reach out for feedback and help. 

Sometimes, I receive zero response, which on its own could seem like a sub-rejection. Other times, I receive a response that assures me that I did great but could just not have been my time yet (this makes something in me scream why not or when shall it be!?). Lastly, in most cases, I receive thorough feedback, which I implement in further opportunities application. 

I like the latter because it helps me work even harder next time and be more critical of myself and my applications. But most importantly, it is an opportunity that I call 'learning from it all.' An opportunity to see what I hadn't seen before, to learn from the rejections, and to learn from my favourite parts, the failures. 

I am working on this application. I have reread it several times, and this time around, I want to criticise everything. Yes, I really want to scrutinise it beyond what the strictest imaginary teacher could do.

But the more I go through it, the more satisfied and confident I feel. Now, I see through my areas of weakness, but at the same time, improvements have been made towards circumventing them. 

This newfound perfection puzzles me. By the way, don't get me wrong, as I understand we all can be good solicitors when it comes to us, but the best judges when it comes to the affairs of others - but compared to the old ones I have submitted in the times I was accepted I am left to think that either I was exceptionally lucky, was compared among a group of mediocre applications (sorry 🥶), or simply because the panel of judges were having a good day. 

But I can tell you that this is different from being graceful with myself. Probably, if anything is near, it could be one of those moments I spend a lot of time with myself, which is not always a good time.

Like any couple, we bicker and are often critical of one another. But then there are moments when 'I & me' are entirely in synch. Both of us are happy, productive members of Team Pen (or, more accurately, Team Pens). 

When we stop to think about it - it makes perfect sense. This way, we're simply enjoying an internal conversation, a dialogue, a debate, a Q&A, a silent screaming match, or a poor employee performance review. Yes, I can be rough on myself, but that's the only way we'll get better. 

Regardless of knowing this about me, you can now understand why I am satisfied with myself. I reviewed this application and feel good about the quality of my performance.

Maybe, in the future, I will look at it and cringe because I can now see that my best now is my worst then. Or I may look at it with the pride a general uses to admire that soldier who got the work done. 

One of my mentors told me that sometimes we strive for perfection and that when something goes wrong, we fail to look elsewhere in passing judges but only on us. However, I wonder if my case is that of perfectionism. 

This is because true perfectionists are so demanding of themselves that they don't consider themselves anywhere near perfect. They think that anything they do is so far from perfection that they couldn't possibly be perfectionists. 

However, there are times I reconsider my line of thought and think to myself, 'Maybe you are truly a perfectionist; maybe you should learn how to cut yourself some slack.' 

Until the next time I am lucky, I will write about my fears because they remind me of mortality and the importance of relying on higher powers for stability. I will write about my strengths because they reflect my journey and how far I can go. I will express love when I feel it and articulate pain when it overwhelms me. 

I will write about dreams that seem daunting; they scare me. I will write about everything that brings peace to my being and those that trouble my heart simultaneously. And I remain grateful for the ears that listen.

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Many thanks for reading my perspective and giving feedback.

My fervent wish is for the personal growth of everyone and the success of all young professionals who put their hearts and souls into finding their purpose in life.

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