We Don't Move On. We Move Forward.

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I have always been puzzled by the idea that we should 'move on' from things and people. Today, I want to make sense of it by articulating why I am uncomfortable with it. 

This is because life has put me in situations where I have had to do a lot of moving on, which is similar to anyone who found this article interesting and is currently reading. 

I will start with the little pieces of stuff, like when, as a child, we would have to change schools and graduate from classes, which means 'moving on' from our favourite teachers to the big stuff, like changing jobs, adult friendship breakups, real romantic breakups, and lastly, knowing the gravity of someone departing from us by bowing to the weight of death. 

I have noticed that we have been wrongly taught how to deal with these moments since childhood. As an adult, I now have problems with the idea of moving on. 

It is wrong in my understanding because of the idea we are forced to embrace when we are told to move on. To "Move on" typically means leaving behind a current situation, problem, or life phase and progressing towards something new or different. 

It involves accepting what has happened, letting go of any lingering emotions or attachments, and focusing on the future, right?

But can you really do that - letting go of any lingering emotions or attachments and focusing on the future? When things like this are put in writing or said back to you in rhetorical question form, only then might you be able to see how cliché, even though nuanced, some of this advice can be - or the concept in its entirety. 

An observer could say, 'I know it is easier said than done, but you still have to try and move on.' I heard this line over a million times nine years ago when I lost my father. It may not have been immediately during the period of his death. However, people still use it to console grief a few months after they are caught in one of those aftermaths of desolation once in a while. 

The fact is that only a person who has indeed suffered a significant, irreplaceable loss of anything or someone could understand how and why you can never really move on from it or them. This includes (but is not limited to) practically anything - like a friend, a lover, or the death of someone dear.

As someone who has lost a parent, or if paraphrased, has had to watch someone I loved (blood-related) die in my hands, I feel like I am the last person to use the two words 'move on' on someone who is grieving - because of my understanding of this. 

Therefore, the ideal should then be the awareness of impermanence (impermanence refers to the concept that all things, experiences, and states of being are transient and constantly changing) - we should notice how ephemeral everything is - but we shouldn't pretend that the grief from loss disappears. 

No matter how much anyone tells you to leave behind a current situation, it is not human nature to simply move on. But this doesn't mean that we cannot move forward. 

This difference between moving on and moving forward is central to a TED Talk by author Nora McInerny. After her husband passed away from brain cancer, she asked other grieving partners which advice about grief they found most unhelpful. The most frequent response was being told to "move on."

Nine years after the death of my father, and perhaps in another case, after a terrible heartbreak, life is good. But he is still present in most daily conversations with my family. He is still present in my work and creativity - and indelible in my writing - including this one. 

In Susan Cain's words, 'We need to remember that a grieving person is going to laugh and smile again... They're going to move forward. But that doesn't mean that they've moved on.'

I leave you with this: it has been said that 'time heals all wounds.' But Rose Fitzgerald Kenndy disagrees. To him, the wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers it with scar tissue, and the pain lessens. But it is never gone. 

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Many thanks for reading my perspective and giving feedback.

My fervent wish is for the personal growth of everyone and the success of all young professionals who put their hearts and souls into finding their purpose in life.

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