What They Mean When They Say You Remind Them of Someone

Why We See Others in You - The Hidden Emotions Behind It.

Photo by Kindel Media on Pexels

I have recently been reminding several people of someone they know. For example, after barely having a ten-minute conversation with a colleague today, she informed me that I remind her of her older brother and her partner. I found this peculiar—after all, I’m just one person. However, unlike others who’ve made similar comments without explanation, she offered a reason that actually made sense to me: we’re all Aquarians was hers.

On another occasion, a classmate remarked that I reminded him of an Indian boy he met in Japan. Then, someone else told me I reminded her of her biological father. Both comparisons caught me off guard, considering that I am a Black man from Africa—not Asian or South American. Moreover, I’ve never been to either of these places, so I have no reference for how people behave there.

The most baffling comparison came from a friend who told me I smelled like her uncle from Canada. For context, this was at night—I wasn’t wearing any perfume, and due to my sensitive skin, I only use scent-free soap and lotion. So, I couldn’t understand how anything about me could have carried a recognizable scent.

Therefore, like me, have you ever had someone say to you, “You remind me of someone,” and wondered what they really meant? Or has someone compared your looks, personality, or energy to someone from their past? More importantly, what does this reveal about human perception, memory, and emotional connections?

I believe there are subtle psychological and emotional layers behind this common statement—why people make these associations, what it says about them (and you), and how it shapes our interactions.

It begins with how we form human connections and our psychological tendency to seek familiar, heightened emotions, often intensifying them and linking them to specific people or external factors. In The Descent of Man, Grayson Perry mentions that his wife, Philippa Perry, a psychotherapist, does not believe in love at first sight.

She sees it as a form of projection, where people are not truly falling in love with the person in front of them, but rather with an idealized version of them that exists in their own minds or with something or someone similar in their past. This perspective suggests that initial attraction is often based on unconscious biases, past experiences, and personal expectations rather than genuine deep connection.

Beyond feelings of projection and association, a part of us also craves familiarity in any new person, experience, or environment. It's akin to when we move into a new flat and begin decorating it to make it feel like home, or when we seek elements of our own city in every new place we visit. Those who have ever migrated can relate to this. Similarly, we search for familiarity in new individuals. What we may truly be trying to express isn't that "you remind me of someone," but rather, "you make me feel as comfortable as a friend, partner, or family member."

I could go on to explore this topic, but let’s be honest—I’m not a trained psychologist. So, while I find these ideas fascinating, I’m aware I lack the technical expertise to fully explore them or back up my points with solid evidence. Honestly, at this point, I can’t help but feel like I’m rambling a bit!

However, what stands out to me in every instance where someone has said I remind them of someone else is that they felt comfortable around me. As a result, I think I was also my most authentic self, with no pressure to impress or fit any expectations in the first place.

There have been times, however, when I misinterpreted these comments and reacted impulsively, thinking they were negative. For example, when a friend said I smelled like her uncle or when a classmate told me I reminded her of her father, my initial thought was that I must exude some kind of "old man" energy. But now, I understand better, and I’ve learned how to respond with more clarity when I hear similar comments in the future.

It is also crucial to consider the relationship the person who made the comparison had with the person they associate you with. After all, it could be that you remind them of someone with whom they had a negative experience. And, of course, there's also the concept of classical conditioning to consider.

Ivan Pavlov discovered this form of learning, where an animal or person learns to associate a neutral stimulus with an emotional or physiological response. In babies, this can happen when they have a negative encounter, such as being burned by fire.

The pain or discomfort from the experience becomes linked to the stimulus (in this case, fire or heat), and the baby may react negatively or fearfully the next time they encounter something similar. Over time, this association becomes a conditioned response, where the baby instinctively reacts to the stimulus with fear or anxiety, even without experiencing the adverse event again.

I leave you with these poetic lines, which are abstract:

Even though you didn’t make it to the end of my story, I will always have a corner folded down on your page…

Becuase it was one of my favourites.

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Many thanks for reading my perspective and giving feedback.

My fervent wish is for the personal growth of everyone and the success of all young professionals who put their hearts and souls into finding their purpose in life.

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