When It Is Not Bragging Or Rather What Separates Confidence From Arrogance.

A Reflective Essay.

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I like to call it ‘Arrogance’ instead of pride. This is because we all have pride within us to protect, which can be positive or negative. Although tilting far towards too negative angle turns it into arrogance.

But that does not rule out that there are many forms of bragging. Although most reasonable people would agree that some forms of speaking and acting in contempt or deprecate ways are always wrong, other forms that society refers to as bragging are less clear-cut.

In this article, though, I choose to call it an essay. I shall look at what separates confidence from arrogance. Distinguish between positive and negative pride. And finally, draw upon my reflections to raise awareness about why bragging is misperceived from a societal point of view and to challenge you to do the same before you label anyone as braggadocio.

Bragging has probably existed since the beginning of time, and certainly as the religious Holy Books, where both Bible and Quran condemn it in many scriptures. All religions regard bragging as wrong, so you would think there were universally understood principles about what is bragging and what is not. However, this is not the case.

This is also the case with many other ethical issues (right and wrong scenarios) like stealing, lying, etc... Despite this long-standing agreement that bragging is wrong, many people brag. In fact, it is very common, so it is worth considering why this has persisted for so long.

The psychological reason is that people engage in self-promotional behaviour because they want others to hold favourable images of them. Self-promotion entails a trade-off between conveying one’s positive attributes and being seen as bragging.

If placed in between this tiny trade-off of one’s positive attributes and being seen as bragging, I perceive that the power shifts from personal ethical judgements and reasoning to how the next person in the room rationality of what bragging is. Like stealing or lying, most sound conscience people could feel irked when doing these wrongs. But not the case with bragging.

Dirty debaters or haters could use this label to destroy another person in an argument or in the eyes of others since they can call it bragging when they feel like it. Usually done by twisting information presented by the other by misrepresenting what they have said. And when they try to draw back to their original discourse, they declare the other as proud, arrogant, boastful, or bragging.

Or could it also be that society does not like any form of self-promotion, whether it comes as conveying one’s positive attributes or bragging? For instance, ‘Humblebragging’ — is defined as “bragging masked by a complaint or humility”. This study finds that it actually makes people like you less than straight-up self-promotion, the research says.

The researchers conducted experiments to see how people responded to humblebrags, focusing on the bragger’s perceived likability and competence. They found that regular bragging was better on both counts because it at least comes off as genuine. Even complainers were more likeable and seemed more competent than humblebraggers of any type.

I draw on this to posit that if you want to announce something, be confident enough to go with the brag and at least own your self-promotion and reap the rewards of being sincere rather than losing in all dimensions.

Consequentially, there is nothing like bragging if everything you self-promote about yourself is true. At the same time, I am not able to draw a straight line between the trade-off of conveying one’s positive attributes (positive bragging) and being seen as bragging (negative bragging). I perceive that telling lies or overly hyped self-promotion of one’s competency or achievements should be the only thing worthy of a societal label of being called a brag, arrogant, proud, or boastful.

Also, what about using candour (the ability to be open and honest in expression; frankness of even weaknesses) to self-promote yourself? Where I can tell someone the far distance I travel to work every day in order for them to hold favourable judgments for my lateness. Or instead of telling the beautiful girl at the park how rich I am, which most other guys do, I can choose to tell her how hard I hustle and my humble beginning.

The reason these two examples are not perceived as bragging is that society unconsciously has been built to keep what is positive information secret. Like finances, love life, adventure, happiness, etc., So in contrast, this introduces the clear-cut that there is nothing like bragging, except when you tell lies in an attempt to self-promote.

Better yet, get somebody else to “wingman” your boasting. If someone brags for you, that’s the best thing to happen to you because you don’t seem like you’re bragging.

Another scenario where society draws the bragging label is when you are in the wrong company or communicating the wrong information. In my case, talking about the books, I have read or the content I have produced is something I find comfortable doing. Since I am absolutely honest with them and doing so demonstrates my credibility — the reason you should read my content and, secondly, promote my content.

However, I have had a share of people labelling this source of personal pride of competence and achievement as me bragging. When I try to express myself further or defend myself, I receive the second label, ‘arrogant or proud’.

But this is not the case when I am in the midst of fellow writers, curious minds, academics and researchers. In fact, the discussion usually seems like a subtle competition of who has read the most or written the most. Nevertheless, I sense the uncomfortable sensations from people when someone in the group mentions something about vacation, money, or a partner if any of those does not link properly to the topic.

This is a scenario where being in the wrong company or communicating the wrong information could fetch you the bragging label. And if you agree with me that in the club of millionaires and billionaires, talking about money and vacation is the norm, then I must be right.

As a society, especially confident people should not have to lose their voices because of the public's interest, resulting from us being unconsciously programmed to keep positive information secret. Suppose society has a moral concern about bragging. In that case, they will label all the scenarios I highlighted as bragging and have universally understood principles about what is bragging and what is not.

I know this is an interesting debate topic that will doubtless continue for many years. So, not everyone will agree with the arguments presented in this article. However, I urge you to bear these points of mine in mind before labelling anyone a brag.

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Many thanks for reading my perspective and giving feedback.

My fervent wish is for the personal growth of everyone and the success of all young professionals who put their hearts and souls into finding their purpose in life.

Copyright © Ekene Moses, 2023. All Rights Reserved.

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