Facing Rejection Head-On and Mastering the Art of Coping with Being Rejected
Everybody gets rejected, has been rejected, and will still be rejected. Personally, this year and last have visited me with waves of rejections, both in human connection and career-wise.
But like the old saying, ‘we learn more from failures than we do from success.” Instead of letting it crush my spirit and subject me to despondency, I decided to face my rejections head-on and master the art of coping with them.
I have had several nights of sleeplessness and have questioned myself. I have also read more about things that might bring solace to me and spoken to people. It is from a place of all these that I am writing this piece.
Rejection brings us sadness. However, of all the 27 human emotions, sadness is the ultimate bonding agent. Unanimously, things that make an individual sad can trigger the same emotion in others (e.g., rejection), but not everything that can make you happy could make me happy.
Rejection is actually a positive thing because to be rejected, you must have had the determination and stamina to try something in the first place and then have the courage to send it off for another person to engage with and reject.
There are many people who dream of getting things done, but they don’t want to be rejected, so they end up not doing anything. They are not doers. They are daydreamers. Daydreamers don’t get rejected. Doers get a load of it. Rejections prove you are a doing person.
Receiving a rejection is not nice, and neither is the feeling it brings, although it is possible to receive a nice rejection! There are some people or situations out there who will offer a snippet of advice or a morsel of feedback as to why you are being rejected.
One of my friends, whom I contacted before writing this, has this to say about this: “The last opportunity I was rejected, and I felt it, so I had to send an email asking for feedback as to why I was rejected. But I did not get a response. Although, I wish they had replied. It would have helped, I guess.”
I agree with this, as those reasons give comfort and help one see areas of weakness and possible improvements—I captured something similar here (an article). Therefore, if you come across any such advice, treasure it. People are not paid to offer constructive criticism, or do they owe it to you?
Everybody is demoralised when they are rejected. All we can think about is the effort and hard work we’ve put into that piece of work or commitment - the high hopes we had, and when it is rejected, those hopes are gone. Nevertheless, the golden rule to remember is that it is not you personally being rejected, just that particular piece of application at that particular moment in time.
Read the good thing my friend said: “You know, there’s a point where rejection no longer feels like a big deal. You probably know you will get rejected, but you still go for it anyway. Does this come after a lot of daring and learning, or is it something you can program yourself for?”
Here are my answers and some strategies for coping with rejection:
There are many reasons for rejection
One of the important things to remember about rejection is that it is subjective. Another friend stated, “They are not rejecting you as a person… it’s not personal… you also refuse to patronise services or purchase products. And it is not a rejection towards the person selling, but it just doesn’t fit your needs at the time.”
Also, if it is for an opportunity you have applied for, they might have used their own opinions to make the decision, in addition to guidelines for selection being set. Many times, we automatically assume that when we are rejected, it’s because we are not up to standard.
Much of the time, rejection is for many other reasons. Even so, most of the time, unexplainable! For example, Coca-Cola’s most loyal fans wouldn’t even dare taste Pepsi - however, for me, they are both black and soda. And how many people favour pink apples over green ones - does that mean that everything green is not up to their standards?
Also, it could be that only one person is needed, and a quality application has been accepted for that; in this case, yours will be rejected without getting any attention - in most cases, this is why you will not receive feedback and why some applications urge you to apply early.
Romantically, monogamy is still widely accepted in most societies. Therefore, we are all encouraged to open our hearts to one person at any given time and, if possible, for a lifetime.
Perhaps you are right; you are more than enough for them and could be all that you know you can be for them, which they might not even be seeing. However, their heart might already have opened to another or isn’t ready to open at all - therefore, you will be rejected!
Give rejections time to get cold.
Studies show that when rejected, our IQ levels drop. So, it might be best to put the work aside for a couple of days or to seek conceptualisation of the reasons for being rejected later - because our brainpower to deal with rejection drops at the initial point.
When some time has passed, and that initial pain has subsided, review the rejection letter for any clues and then re-read your application.
Mistakes you missed before you sent off your piece will jump at you (despite reading your work several times before sending it off). You may realise that the cover letter could have been written better or that there were eligible criteria you didn't meet or didn't demonstrate how you met. Often, you will surprise yourself with how easily you can improve a rejected piece of work for another opportunity.
If it was about a romantic relationship, reading the breakup text after a while or analysing the situation might bring clarity.
Put rejections into perspective.
I have this perspective that I have only failed when I have been rejected 100 per cent—which, put into perspective, is being rejected 100 times. I will still come back to add to this more. However, in the world of growth and trying, rejection is not failure.
There’s still hope because you can submit the same application elsewhere and be accepted. You might meet a different person, repeat or say the same thing, and be accepted. Sometimes, even without doing anything and only being ourselves, someone out there finds us interesting and accepts us.
In completing my 100 per cent perspective paradox, I believe that anything I have set out to do must be done by me doing my best and trying up to 100 times before I accept defeat. If I wanted a job, then I had to submit high-standard applications 100 times, and so on. Interestingly, I have never had to get to the 100th time or anything near it.
Have an abundance mindset.
An abundance mindset can be incredibly helpful in coping with rejection by shifting the focus from scarcity to opportunity.
Read what an English Billionaire, Richard Branson, said about opportunities: "Opportunities are like buses; there's always another one coming."
When faced with rejection, having an abundance mindset views it not as a definitive failure but as a stepping stone towards new possibilities and growth. It provides the strength needed to start something new as soon as you send off the last one or to start something new after receiving rejection from the last one.
Having an abundance mindset is beneficial. Firstly, you don't know how long you could wait for an answer. More importantly, if you only have one application out there, then all of your hopes and dreams are resting on it. And if that application comes back rejected, then all of those hopes have been dashed.
Many thanks for reading my perspective and giving feedback.
My fervent wish is for the personal growth of everyone and the success of all young professionals who put their hearts and souls into finding their purpose in life.
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Copyright © Ekene Moses, 2024. All Rights Reserved.
Thanks for sharing. This has indeed added to my knowledge of rejection.